Progress Report 2-13

I guess it is a good sign that the reports are spacing out but as you see I don’t think I can truly totally stop reporting. There is always something that needs to come out or a story to be told. I left off the last time with the good news of a good scan. I have since received 2 more treatments interrupted by a week off ordered by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The clinic was closed on that day and there was apparently no need to make up for the missed session, a decision I welcomed with enthusiasm, happy to give my body another break. I continue to feel great and I really want to get weaned of the drugs though I understand this may take longer than I would like. I go for one more next Monday before taking off for 3 weeks to California. It is during these breaks that I feel the most normal as I still have a hard time seeing myself at the doctor’s office being examined and receiving treatments. This last Monday a young 4th year student doing her rotation came in before Randy to check me out. She introduced herself and asked me how I was doing. I am great I told her. You are on Navelbine? Yes I answered. So how are you feeling she asked again maybe hoping to get a different answer? I feel great I repeated. No side effects, nothing at all? She asked trying hard to have some authoritive tone to her voice. Maybe she was thinking that I was not taking her seriously and was hiding something from her. No I don’t do side effects I told her again as she listened to my heart. No pain? She asks as she pushes on my abdomen. Nope… sorry, nothing. I think she was a bit lost and wondering what the hell was I doing here. So I told her that I was a spy. I am here to see how the health system is working and that the big file she is holding in her hands is fake and all made up. I am under cover. Oh…she said finally catching on as she left the room with a smile: I see you are not even here; you are a fragment of my imagination. Yes I said. That is exactly it. I felt a little bad that she may have not learned much from my encounter, or maybe she did learn that not all cancer patients look like they are cancer patients or whatever that image is. The truth is that I have been very lucky with this last treatment which is known for its minimum side effects and my cocky attitude does not in any way undermine the true suffering that some go through and that I know all too well; I had been there and I know it is real, I just take advantage of my good fortune to play my mind games that keep me believing that I am healthy and that this cancer is a fleeing thing, a virus maybe that needs to run its course before leaving for good. It is with that in mind that I go to bed every night and wake up every morning thanking the Lord for all the blessings bestowed on me and my family and wish the same for every soul on this earth. And it is because of this good fortune that while I am cruising through this part of the journey I am more sensitive to the suffering of others. You know we are a little bit like the army; we support each other and feel for one another when one of us falls back. So today I am asking for your prayers for Heather the one leg wonder. I saw Heather a couple of weeks ago after she came back from Florida. She showed me pictures of her new leg and said it will take a lot of work and training to relearn how to walk. She was a little tired and felt she may be coming down with something or maybe I thought its all the excitement, so needless to say that the following week I was not prepared to see Heather slumped in a wheel chair, too week and too much in pain to even open her eyes. She had been suffering from terrible migraines and nothing she was taking was working. Do I have to tell you that as they wheeled her by me, my heart sank and my eyes welled and my voice got stuck in my throat? Before taking my seat I went by her recliner hoping to find a way to give her some comfort. She felt my presence and opened her eyes just enough to tell me that her cancer came back and she was really bummed. I know I said. I know. The rug has been pulled from under her one foot. But you have to eat, was the only advice I could give her. It’s a cultural thing. I will make you my magical soup I said knowing it’s the only thing I could do. When I went home that night I put all the high energy I got from the steroids into making a big pot of vegetable chicken soup that I took the following day to her parents house. I was able to see her and though still tired the headache was gone and she was feeling much better. It looked like she was turning the corner but when I called the following week to check on her, her mother said the headaches were back and she had to go to emergency. I was pretty disappointed that the magical soup didn’t work though her mom told me that she loved it and it was the only thing she would eat. I can make more I told her wishing that eating more soup would heal her. The last I heard Heather was in the hospital still battling the migraines. I know there is a tiger inside of her that will come out growling and I pray for her everyday even though we barely know each other. But this is how it goes, I have been prayed for by people I have never met and believe that every thought and every good intention has its weight. Release it and it will find its way to where it is needed. So please send a little of that well proven positive energy that you have sent me before, Heather’s way, even if you have never met her.
Much love