Progress Report 2-12

First of all Happy New Year to all. I am sorry for taking this long to update you properly on the latest events. As you know from my brief email a couple of weeks ago the scan results were very good. (Did I thank you all for all the wonderful cheers and congrats?). Randy said that I was confusing him. This is really a very good sign as far as I am concerned because it confirms my thoughts regarding the limitation of human understanding relatively to Divine work. The confusion has 2 parts. One is (as I wished a repeat miracle) that the cancer is once again gone leaving virtually no scares behind. This is not often seen he says, there is usually some evidence left of the damage the cancer has done. So in a way it looks like we blasted the suckers off but did not leave a crater behind. Most spots have completely disappeared. In his 18 years of practice Randy tells me every now and then but rarely, he sees something that cannot be explained by science. “Whoever you have praying for you needs to keep doing it” he told me while listening to my heart. That is a testimony to all of you guys. All your love, support and prayers throughout this time and especially the emails before I got the scan covered me with comfort and peace that I wore like a warm coat. I felt protected and blessed as I lay down going through the tube meditating and completely still until …. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and realizing I am really in a tube. You may not know that by I am terribly claustrophobic. It is something I work very hard at and can control as long as I prepare myself and keep my eyes closed, focus on my breath, recite prayers or transport my thoughts to a sunny beach somewhere imagining that the light filtering over my closed lids when I go in and out of the tube is just a cloud shading the sun. So opening my eyes and not seeing a sky was not a good thing especially that I had no sense of how much longer I had to stay in there. I blame the loss of concentration on the fact that my arms where raised above my head and were getting pretty num a painful. My heart started racing despite my efforts to quite myself and panicked enough to call the nurse. Luckily I was less than 2 minutes away for getting out. Closing my eyes once more and concentrating hard on my breath I made it through the 30 minutes scan. So now you know how I feel about scans in general and ones that involve a tube in particular. Not a big fan. This is relevant because part 2 of the Randy’s confusion had to do with a few spots that may or may not have been there before (not quite sure if they are really new) that are not actually showing cancer activity and whose presence do not make much sense since all the other cancer is gone. He initially suggested an MRI to try to shed some light on them. Well we were taking off for Hilton Head for the Holidays and as you know I do not really let much interfere with my traveling plans so we decide to wait on the MRI until we return. We took off the following day for a long but truly miraculously uneventful drive. It was the first time in a very long time all four of us were together on a road trip. We had a very nice time even though it was colder than normal. We braved the weather and had some family pictures taken on the beach, bare feet in freezing water and were tricked to play golf by a deceiving sunny day that turned out to be a very cold windy day. The only relatively warm day was New Year’s Eve when Sharbel and I were able to take a walk on the beach and watch the last sunset of 2009. I prayed it would take in its descent all the hardships and difficulties of the year yet remaining grateful for all the lessons learned and wished for new beginnings in 2010. We enjoyed being with friends on Christmas and New Year and overall just plain relaxed, watching football (that was the guys) reading, painting and eating. I won’t lie though cold or not it was hard to leave.
So this Monday when I saw Randy again we did a recap and a review. The MRI was not going to show if there is cancer. The PET scan does that well. As I understand it PET scans can have false positives but not false negative so basically if there is no activity on the PET scan then there won’t be any on the MRI. Besides it will not change the protocol I am on. I know at this point I probably should get some education/advice from the master of MRI Dr. P. but until I get a convincing argument that the MRI will make a difference, the prospect of spending an hour in a tube has led me to opt out ….at least for now. As for my thoughts regarding those spots I believe they are God’s fingerprint and I won’t allow something that appears benign to overshadow the true healing that has occurred. Now the challenge is to make sure there are no sleeper cells anywhere. Randy will continue with his heavy artillery making sure all hidden cancer cells are indeed eliminated while I try hard to keep my body healthy through nutrition, supplements, exercise, breathing and meditation that help quite my mind and control my thoughts. Those pesky cells will find it virtually impossible to re-grow in such a terrain. So the plan goes as such; we continue the treatments for 3 more months and then another PET scan to see how we are doing. I have been truly blessed; this treatment has been quite easy, short sessions, little side effects and flexibility of scheduling which will allow me to go to California for 3 weeks for a pre-planned trip to Palm Desert in February that I am truly looking forward to; so really no complaints.
Along with my Christmas miracle I received the gift of the unique opportunity to send a prayer to be placed in the Wailing Wall in the Holy City of Jerusalem courtesy of our dear friends the Pomeranz family who carried our family photo and folded prayer with them on their trip. It was no coincidence that Christy placed the prayer the same day I had my results.
So in conclusion on this day marking a year since I undertook this healing journey I am grateful to consider myself back in remission. I may be in it for 3 month, a year or forever. If I learned anything this year it is to live in the present and not worry about what may or may not be. I let go of the past and if I have to think about the future than I choose to think of it the way I want to see it; Healthy, strong, appreciating life with family and friends, holding forever in my heart all the love I have received. I see myself completing all my remodeling projects, traveling, painting, improving my golf score, playing with grandchildren and passing on traditions. But most of all I hope to put any talents and experiences God has gifted me to serve and help others. I have faith that God will give me all the time I need to do that.
Much love