Progress Report 13

Dear Support Group
So I as you see the reports continue and actually I am not sure that they will ever stop. Maybe at one point spaced out but they have been an important part of my healing journey and a record of my internal transformation.
I went in on Monday for the beginning and hopefully final phase of the treatment. It felt very weird to be treated for something I no longer have but I compare it to a course of antibiotic that one should take and finish regardless of how well you feel, so I complied with the General’s order. It was also the first time I go in without my entourage and it did not go unnoticed. Where is the clan? I was asked several times by the nurses. Well this was kind of an unscheduled appointment that we squeezed into my travel plans, so they could not be here. I know some of you will email or call me and be mad at me for not asking for a chaperon but seriously there was something pretty liberating about going by myself. It gave me a sense of normalcy as I was able to run my errands before and after and not allow the clinic visit to dictate my life especially that I am physically very capable of driving. I have to admit I missed the foot massage but I am pretty sure I would not have had any volunteers for that.
It was again pretty busy in the suite but my chair by the wing wall was available so I settled in. To my left was Ruth, the 87 year old women from report 5. Do you remember her? Well I have to tell you that Ruth turned out to be one of the most fascinating people I ever met and this report will be mostly about her. As I sat she recognized me even though it had been a few weeks since we first met. You had your “teen-age” daughter with you she said. I am sure Yasmine is appreciating this remark. I had to straighten her up on that issue. I had a good book to read and some good music to listen to but Ruth was not about to let this happen. She had lots of stories which I admit surpassed any good book. She has been feeling great. She was cancer free and she is getting this treatment as insurance and tells me that view her age she might die from something else before this cancer would return. She is 87 years old she reminded me and would like to live to be 90. So would I, I thought to myself but the idea of being consciously aware and accepting of the notion that she may only live 3 more years did not escape me. I know from my experience with this unpredictable illness that being given a limited amount of time to live is a frightening thought – a question I never asked and a statistic I refuse to hear and a fear I believe I conquered. But I think it must be different when you are not being given and expiration date but choosing one for yourself. Back to Ruth, I told her it was the same for me that I am cancer free and I was just here for the cookies (I had brought some Easter cookies to share). So you see I keep telling you there are no coincidences, as we sat and chatted it felt like we were two old friends back at the nail salon just waiting for our turn, and we were starting the “cancer free just here for the recliners” club. I also learned that Ruth loves to cook; she just made 30 matzo balls for Passover and that her daughter is taking over the tradition. Food is very important for Jewish people she said. My mother used to stuff me and you have to insist on every one eating more. I told her that being Middle Eastern we have similar traditions and that as a matter of fact if the guest doesn’t eat enough we think they didn’t like the food and if they finish it all up it means we didn’t cook enough. There was no wining. I learned she is a writer and used to write letters to the editor all the time until one day she wrote about integration after Martin Luther King died and she received a threat letter so she stopped. Her grandmother had died in the Holocaust so there was still a lot of fear. She loves to sing and dance and did standup comedy. She would write plays and her husband would play the lead in them. She is the only Caucasian on her street in Bondshill where she has lived for over 50 years and loves her neighbors. She has never been robbed while her friend in Amberly Village was robbed twice. Her son came in to pick her up and we talked a little more about everything and anything include what exactly is matzo meal made of which amazingly they didn’t know the answer to so I will have to google it to satisfy my curiosity. Ruth was done and as she was leaving one of the nurses asked her to do a standup next time. Next time? Oh no she was ready now and began to sing one of her songs about Cincinnati. It was hilarious and I wished I could have captured it on my video camera. It was a performance that would have merited a standing ovation except we were all strapped in our seats with the IV so we couldn’t stand. As she left she told us that she had written 600 songs and her kids will put them together after she dies. Now I really hope to meet Ruth again. There is a chance that she may be in the day I come back in 3 weeks if not I might have to track her down at the Jewish senior center where I later learned from the nurses she teaches writing, dance and singing. And if I can I would love to get her on UTube where I know she will be a hit. What an inspiration.
I want to wish all of you who celebrate a Happy Passover and a Happy Easter, both celebrations of miracles and triumph of life over death.
Still and forever grateful reminding myself daily of my miracle
Much love
nevine