Talking to myself

I am feeling a lot stronger this week emotionally that is. Physically I never felt better with literally no side effects to report. The support team has been summoned and all those on reserve started showing up with Sharbel and the kids at the helm. This was a week of soul searching, as I was trying to understand what exactly happened. In one of my last entries I had affirmed my faith in God and gratitude for being healed and like I said felt that I had rebooted the system and loaded His infallible love and protection. You can see my confusion when I found myself facing this setback. The first thing that may come to mind is that this software doesn’t work but as I meditated on the situation and not being able to come up with an answer on my own, I decided to contact customer service inquiring about the problem and the warrantees. I got an immediate response – no automated messages here and in response to my request I was put in direct contact with the Big Boss. I was told that the software is warranted for life and is indeed infallible and is the best I can ever hope for. The problem it turns out was mostly in the operating system and some hardware. The operating system is out of date functioning on old habits and beliefs sprinkled with doubts. It sways with the wind. It is lagging behind the awesomeness of the software which requires unadulterated faith. I had to understand that, by ordering this software I had to work on changing the operating system. It was in the fine print. The hardware too will need some more work and they sent Randy a new replacement kit that they feel will work. It’s a trial an error thing with these old models being 50 plus but eventually they will keep me running. I explained that it was very hard to keep that kind of faith with so many relapses, opinions and statistics. How do I stop questioning what I did wrong? Did I eat the wrong food; drink the wrong water, breath the wrong air? I was told that to make it easier on me the best thing to do is to stop asking those questions. Have my prayers not been answered before? Was I not lifted from despair when I thought there was no hope, even for the silliest situations? So if it was granted before it will be granted again and God never takes back what He gifts. Keep the faith and don’t question how I will get to where I want to be. Don’t get distracted by the bumps, stay on track and don’t let go of the vision. When you keep your eye on the end goal the setbacks can’t discourage you because you know that they don’t mean anything. So I am painting the picture I want to see. I concentrate on the moment where I feel well and will remain well. I will complete every item on my list and live long enough to tell my grandchildren about it. I cannot allow any other image to enter my mind. I have to work on replacing my operating system.